I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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