Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
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