I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You made out with two different species that night
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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