yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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