i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
