my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
