i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
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