We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
