what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
