the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
