i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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