Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
