Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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