I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
