Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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