Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
