So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
