the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
