He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
