So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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