oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
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