I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
