I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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