I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
