Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
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