Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
