Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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