I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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