I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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