Christians are straight up FREAKS
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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