here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
