He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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