I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
