So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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