how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
