he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
sex in a hospital.. check
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
