I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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