Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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