Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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