I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
