Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
