At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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