I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
