apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
