she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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