My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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