So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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