I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
