I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
