3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
