I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Randomize
