Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
