There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
